Search for forgivenss
by Rinoa26489
Summary: Updated!!! Help!! Rinoa Heartilly, dead? Squall's search for answers leads him dow a twisted rampage of lie and deceit. Will he sacrafice all he has to save the one he loved?
1. The News

There was a knock on the door.  
  
"Not again." Squall rolled his eyes as he got up from his comfortable position on his couch. He hated being interrupted while doing anything. Okay so he wasn't really doing anything, but hey, that wasn't the point.  
  
He walked over to the door of his dorm room and looked through the little peep hole. He swore to God that if it was Zell one more time with another hot dog request he was going to have to pull out the gunblade. Much to his surprise, it wasn't Zell, but a very nervous Selphie. Why she was there was beyond him. He hadn't really talked to her much since the whole time compression thing a few months earlier. Reluctantly he opened the door.  
  
She was standing there with her head down and her hands folded in front of her, swaying back and forth as she usually did. She looked up for a moment, but proceeded with her swaying.  
  
He sighed, his okay you win sigh and opened the door wider. "Alright come in."  
  
She nodded quietly and stepped into his room. She looked around for a moment, but seemed confused.  
  
Squall touched the bridge of his nose in that what did I get myself into sort of way and then motioned for her to sit down. "What brings you here?"  
  
Selphie sat on the couch and he sat in the chair across from her. He wasn't much for diving into people's problems, but she had come here for a reason and what ever the reason was, it was serious. Selphie wasn't her usual self.  
  
She looked at the floor tilting her head to one side, trying to think of a way to put it without hurting him. She never wanted to ever hurt him.  
  
"It's about Rinoa."  
  
Squall looked up and straight at her eyes. He hadn't talked to Rinoa in weeks. Not since the big huge break up they had, when he inadvertently decided that she wasn't good enough for him anymore. That's what he gets for opening his big mouth instead of being the quiet one as usual. "What about Rinoa?"  
  
Selhpie looked like she was about to burst into tears. Squall awkardly put his hand on her arm in hopes of some comfort, but he wasn't really one to comfort anybody. He couldn't even keep hold of someone he loved.  
  
"She…….. she…….. she's dead." 


	2. Back to Work

His world stopped. How could this be? Rinoa…. Dead? Not possible. It couldn't be possible. She was lying. Why would she lie about something like that?  
  
He looked at her…… she wasn't lying. Selphie had burst into full blown tears know. He swore that you could hear here sobbing from a mile away. Not like she didn't have reason, but crying shows vulnerability and that is how you get hurt.  
  
Selphie wiped the tears from her face and looked up at him. He was stoic. As usual. His lack of expression angered her. "Are you going to just sit there? After all that she did for you? All the time you spent together?"  
  
She didn't understand. She couldn't understand. He had loved her, this was true, but crying about it wasn't going to bring her back. Nothing will. What's done is done and there's no changing it. He didn't say a word.  
  
Selphie stood up and glared at him. "I figured I would let you know in some hopes that you would actually care, but of course not. You've never cared about anything. She loved you and you pushed her away, because you're not able to care. You killed her, Squall! You killed her!"  
  
She was trying to fight back tears and sobs. He stood up, his face away from her. "Get out."  
  
One final glare, and then she was gone. He ran his fingers through his long brownish hair, and flopped back onto the couch. She couldn't be dead. He didn't have his chance to say good-bye; he wasn't able to straighten things out. Okay so he didn't really try, but that wasn't the point… Okay, it was. Maybe if he had tried…. But it was no use now. What's done is done and there's nothing that will be able to change that.  
  
He looked over at the clock on his wall. 10:30 in the morning. Might as well make an effort and try to get something done. He got up and grabbed his leather coat as he walked out the door.  
  
As he walked down the hall, Squall could feel eyes watching him. It was as if everybody knew, for as he walked to his office, he felt as if the people he encountered were looking at him. He started walking a little faster, but trying not to seem like he was rushing himself. The sooner he was behind the door of his office, the better.  
  
Not seeing where he was going, he turned a corner on the 2nd floor of the Garden and bumped right into Zell. Great, just the person he needed to see at a time like this.  
  
"Hey, watch it……….. Oh hi Squall." His voice had gone from annoyed to remorseful in 2 seconds flat. Zell knew. "Look I'm sorry about Rinoa. She was a good person."  
  
"Don't do that."  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Talk about her in the past tense. Like she was just some person you met off the street. She WASN'T a good person… she IS a good person. Don't talk like….." Squall's voice trailed off. It wasn't any good. He wouldn't understand. Some people might, but Zell definitely wouldn't.  
  
"Uhhhh…. Sure…. Sorry." Zell patted Squall on the shoulder." I'm here for you if you need me."  
  
Yeah… okay…. Squall just nodded. When would he ever need to talk to Zell about his problems? Since when did he talk to anyone about his problems?……………………………..Since Rinoa. He could tell her anything.  
  
  
  
He shook his head erasing the thought from his mind. Now was not the time to think of lost things. Now was the time to think of work. 


	3. The Invitation

Squall walked in a sat at his desk. He put his head in his hands and his elbows onto the desk and sat there for a minute to collect his thoughts. On his desk were a bunch of cards from random people, most of which he had never even heard of before.  
  
He flipped through some of them nonchalantly and casually discarded them as he went. They all pretty much said the same thing. "I'm sorry for your loss." And there were a lot of "Hope everything's okay." And so on and so on.  
  
Who are all of these people? He couldn't help but wonder how everybody knew? How many people knew? Who told?  
  
Suddenly he noticed an envelope on the desk. Normally he would have just shun it away, but there was something about this envelope. It was a longer envelope then most and as he looked at it, it seemed to grow a little brighter. He picked it up and it felt clod to the touch.  
  
Weird. He looked it over and then after a moment, decided to open it. Inside was a piece of silver paper with black calligraphy writing on it. As he read, a shiver ran threw his spine and his eyes narrowed in scorn.  
  
Time took her away from you to show you what you lost  
  
Time can bring her back, but for this it will cost  
  
Love does rule all, but you must meet half way  
  
Take this veil and drink the contents to see her another day  
  
  
  
Cailleach  
  
He looked back in the envelope. There appeared a veil with a bluish greenish liquid inside it. He pondered for a moment, picking it up and running the tiny thing through his fingers. Should he drink it? Who was this Cailleach? Where did he or she come from?  
  
Squall was never one for believing in anything without some sort of ground to base it on. He did have a couple enemies out there. Seifer included. This could be a trick to hurt him or something. He put the veil in his pocket and folded the letter.  
  
He decided to take a trip to somewhere he hadn't been in a while.  
  
Th library. 


	4. The Information

Squall walked into the quite library. He hadn't been here since the incident a few months ago. He never needed to be here. Until now anyway.  
  
He spotted Quistis in the back corner at a table. She looked like she was seriously studying on sometyhing, but he didn't have time to wait. He had to know what was going on. He had to know who Cailleach was and what he/she wanted with him. He needed to know.  
  
"Umm Quistis?"  
  
She turned around, her eyes red and blochty from tears. "yes? Oh hi Squall. How are you doing??"  
  
"I'm doing ok. Listen I need your help on something. Have you ever heard of Cailleach?"  
  
Quistis thought long and hard. "It sounds familiar……………. Wait! I know what it is. It is the ancient GF of time and seasons. She controls aspects of time. Why?"  
  
"I need a book or something. I need to read about her. I don't have time to explain just yet."  
  
Quistis eyed him. She was a little confused. Squall had never asked for anybody's help ever. Why could he possibly start now? She pointed to a shelf of books on her left. "Go that way. You'll see a shelf of books all abuot GF's maybe it's there."  
  
"Thanks." Squall turned and began searching for the book. Hmmmmm… Shiva……. Ifrit….. Diablos……. Siren……Cailleach. He picked it up, checked it out of the library and took it to his dorm. He turned on his desk light and began reading. 


	5. wake up call

"Wake up sleepy head!"  
  
Squall opened his eyes and lifted his head a little to see where he was. His dorm room. Of course. It didn't work it was just a trick.  
  
"Every time I turn around, you're always sleeping. Why don't you get up in the morning like other people?"  
  
That voice! He turned around quickly and saw her. He couldn't believe it. He rubbed his eyes and shook his head, but she was still there. Rinoa. The one person he loves, was standing at the other end of his room.  
  
"What's wrong? Why are you staring at me like that?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, no reason." He shook his head. So it had worked. Now what was he supposed to do? He dind't understand the point of this. Yeah, he got to see her again, but he was. His dorm room. Of course. It didn't work it was just a trick.  
  
"Every time I turn around, you're always sleeping. Why don't you get up in the morning like other people?"  
  
That voice! He turned around quickly and saw her. He couldn't believe it. He rubbed his eyes and shook his head, but she was still there. Rinoa. The one person he loves, was standing at the other end of his room.  
  
"What's wrong? Why are you staring at me like that?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, no reason." He shook his head. So it had worked. Now what was he supposed to do? He dind't understand the point of this. Yeah, he got to see her again, but you can't change the past. It's not natural.  
  
"Well get up. It's your birthday. I'm taking you out." Her smile was all too familiar to him. He missed it. But confusion still swam in his head.  
  
He started to sit up but a massive headache swam over him and he had to lay back down. His head was pounding. Not another migraine. He hated those. He usually had aspirin with him, but he dind't know how far back time had taken him.  
  
"Here." He looked up to see her with a bottle of aspirin in her hand. "You have another head ache don't you."  
  
He took the bottle and downed a couple of aspirin. It was a month ago. He had gone back a month. In two days he would have told her that he didn't want to be with her anymore and that he needed her to go away. He had told her to go away… And she did! She died because he told her too! He couldn't let her do that… How could he be so stupid?  
  
"Come on hurry up.. I have a big surprise for you, but you have to get out of bed." She was practically pulling him up.  
  
"Okay Okay." He got up and looked around. Angelo was in the corner taking a nap. "Let's go."  
  
"Great!" she grabbed his hand and practically dragged him out of the room. They walked to the doors of the grand hall where the SeeD inauguration party was held a few months before.  
  
She turned to face him and straightened out his clothes. "Now, I want you to be on your best behavior." She patted him on the shoulders and turned around and opened the door.  
  
The surprise birthday party. Of course.  
  
  
  
New Flash! I have seemed to have reached a writer's block. Thanks for all the reviews, and if you have any ideas, please e-mail them to me at Princesmacd@aol.com… please title the e-mail "forgiveness ideas" Thanks!  
  
  
  
Love,  
  
Rinoa 


End file.
